Milk And Cookies

Joe woke up to find that the world had been invaded by man eating crack cocaine. He called 911 and said "OH MY GOD THE WORLD HAS BEEN INVADED BY MAN EATING CRACK COCAINE HELP ME" only to find that they started speaking gibberish. He tried everything that wouldn't get him killed by the man eating crack cocaine. None of these options worked. He tried going on the internet. The internet was out. He tried calling his friends. He didn't have any friends. He tried calling his co-workers. His co-workers didn't answer. He tried customer service. They put him on hold for 2 hours, and by the time they got someone on the line the power instantly went out.

He saw that the crack cocaine had ate the power lines. He also saw that the world went insane. All types of trippy things were going on, such as Elvis Presley blowing up houses and hi-fiving the man eating crack cocaine only for the crack cocaine to instantly kill him.

He decided to carefully attempt to get to another building using a harness that he found in one of the boxes of old stuff. He ran up the stairs to the highest level of his apartment. He knocked on the penthouse and found a man named Brian. He didn't seem to know about the man eating crack cocaine and all of the bizzare crap that was going on because he wasn't a person who kept up with the news or anything important. Instead he just stayed inside and played Minecraft, as evidenced by basically everything he was wearing.

His room was covered in Minecraft posters, blocking out any of the sun light which explained why he didn't see the crack cocaine. He had barely seen Joe before, only seeing him when he walks down hallways. He didn't believe that the world had been covered in crack cocaine and just thought Joe was mentally insane. He decided to prove it by going outside.

He was then squished and squabolled and ripped apart as the crack cocaine drank all the blood from him as his intestines went everywhere while the crack part gobbled it.

This was a sign that Joe should close the door and run like hell. It seemed that the crack cocaine had gotten a bit higher (no pun intended) and Joe realised that if he didn't escape soon, the crack cocaine would rise above the apartment. He figured that the best way was to find a rope and a hook, in the hope that he could get to the tallest building just to give him a few extra days of his life. He had to search through Brian's apartment. While it's not really respectful to search through a guy's stuff just after he dies, it was a worldwide apocalypse so it didn't really matter, he thought.

He wondered if some other people had died. After all, this is an apocalypse. He was pretty certain that the first floor could've been filled with crack cocaine, because if the crack cocaine could rip a person in half, he was pretty certain that it would've been able to break windows.

He found quite a lot of the stuff he needed. He decided to check open the sliding glass door and jump... too soon. He started to fall into the crack cocaine and he said "WELL CR-

He woke up in a hospital bed. A bunch of people that he didn't know looked at him. He found it awkward. He didn't speak a word and just took a drink of the milk next to him.

THE BIG TWIST
"That milk is laced with cyanide".

"WHAT?"

"Yep, we're here to kill you. We are librarians. Your book has been overdue for exactly two weeks. After 10 days, the fine gets too big. We have a death penalty after that."

"WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S SADISTIC! WHO WOULD LET YOU DO THAT?"

"The goverment of course. They said that due to the fact that people are angry over fines, maybe we could loosen it up a bit by changing the rules. So now we give people death penalties after 10 days. The goverment approved."

"IS THE GOVERMENT STUPID?"

"Yes, they are. Moving on, we have kidnapped you and put you in our torture room. You didn't drink too much of the cyanide, but if you don't drink the rest of the milk, we'll shove you into the man eating crack cocaine."

"HOLY CRAP, that wasn't a dream!"

"Would you rather get ripped apart or just drink cyanide and die slowly"

"I'll choose the cyanide..."

After drinking the cyanide and dying, Joe was thrown into the man eating crack cocaine. His last thought was "A fortune teller told me that life was good. She was a piece of crap."