How Not To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse: Everything You Should Avoid When It Comes To Zombies

I really didn't think a zombie apocalypse could take off. If it did, the FBI probably would've killed the first few before it was too late. And besides, if zombies were reaching for brains, then people would get their head bitten off, most likely not infected. If they did get infected, they'd be pretty useless zombies.

I've also noted that if they could take over the world, everything would be gone really quickly. Sure, there would be a couple of survivors, but with the luck that we have, the survivors would most likely be really stupid people, or jerks. In other words, they'd be gone in 2 hours.

How the world would go to HELL
It would start with an idiotic scientest saying "Hey, let's mix cocaine with this 2 year old unrefrigrated pie and feed it to this monkey!".

The monkey would start going nuts and instead of doing something any sane person would do, such as, you know, LOCKING IT IN A CAGE he sends it to a school where the monkey starts biting all the children. Then the zombies are born.

Everyone goes to a "safe zone" where they basically end up getting turned into human hamburgers.

Most of the world's sane and competent people would be infected and the only ones left are either the insane ones, the jerkass ones or the ones who are too dumb to live.

In other words, BREAKING NEWS! YOU'RE ALL SCREWED!

So instead of going to a place that has guns and food, they hide in something like a DVD store. Now in a DVD store, normally you'd get some people to guard the place and have you watch some zombie crap in order to find out a way how to kill them, but our survivors here are idiots, so instead they start fighting over who gets to be the mayor of "OH MY GOSH WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE-VILLE"

Now, it ends two ways:

The most competent survivors are the ones who get killed first and the retarded ones do something like teach the zombies math. Naturally, they don't last very long.

Or they all get killed at once. You can pick.

So if zombie stories bothered to be more realistic they would end a lot quicker. If they were at most realistic, we wouldn't have any zombie stories. So if zombies do manage to take over the world, we're history.

'Wow, you actually read this? Holy crap, I thought that nobody read my fics anymore. Try commenting because I love feedback.'