Understanding Secrets - Raychel Christmas Songs!!

Raychel: Well, I lost a bet with Kevin. So, now I gotta sing it to you idiots. Great, let's get this over with.

Raychel(singing, to the tune of Deck the Halls): Here's your chance to sing along now.

''Share these lyrics with a chum or two. ''

''Join me now in yuletide carols. ''

All the tunes are old, the words are new.

~

Raychel(singing): There's this object in my room, 

Hung above my clothes pile.

Kevin called it "mistletoe",

I just call it VILE.

For some reason that Lewis is carrying his bucket.

I don't know what he's thinking, but I would rather say,

"F*** it!"

~

Raychel(singing, to the tune of "O, Christmas Tree"): O, Aunt Mary!

O, Aunt Mary!

Stop teasing us, Jarod and me!

O, Aunt Mary!

You surely see,

The one he's flushed for,

Isn't me!

O, Aunt Mary!

O, Aunt Mary!

Raychel(speaking, blushing and tears forming in eyes): Why don't you just stick f***ing SWAIN under the mistletoe, dumba**?!

~

Raychel(singing, to the tune of "Joy To the World): Joy to the world!''

EXCEPT LEWIS!

I HOPE,

THAT F***A**,

DIES!

~

Raychel(singing, to the tune of "Jingle Bells"): Can someone please explain,

This caroling to me?

Is the purpose not,

To make someone's ears BLEED?

What is the appeal,

In such cheery songs?

F*** this, let's just toss the score,

AND SING THE LYRICS WRONG!

Oh!

''Christmas Songs! Christmas Songs!''

F*** 'em up real good!

Maybe if we're lucky, We'll wake up the neighborhood!

Oh!

''Christmas Songs! Christmas Songs!''

Screech until you're hoarse!

Oh, God, here comes Kevin now,

And with some soap, of course!

AHH!